Weekend in KL and ‘Makeover’ Program

Posted on by Edmund

Hi All,

First and foremost, I want to thank my friends and readers who have commented on my previous blog post. Some of you have also expressed concern and kind words of encouragement over FaceBook and Twitter. They truly mean a lot to me. 🙂 So thank you all!

Dealing with my first relationship-turned-friendship-later break up wasn’t easy at all that I felt emotionally down for months and then almost crippled for less than a week.

It was a big wake up call nonetheless. It meant I have a lot to work on my personal development area instead of my business. I suspect this will be a looong battle but I really want to win in life and not just one particular area called “business”.

Honestly at this point, I didn’t know exactly what to do so I decided to take the opportunity to meet up with some people on my trip to KL this time.

Dinner with Xinch

First step… getting re-acquainted with some people whom I’ve not met in a long time. Meeting Xin-Ci for dinner at the Japanese Restaurant in Mont. Kiara was a good start.

Xinch @ Japanese Restaurant

I have to admit when Xinch casually invited me out for dinner I was a little embarrassed. The last time I met her was slightly more than a year ago and not too long later, I entered my first relationship and I neglected other friends, and my acceleration of meeting new people became less for me too. Classic mistake I know.

Edmund @ The Japanese Restaurant

I kept in touch with Xinch sparingly and only through the Internet… when I needed a hand with some transcription work, that was. Now Xinch isn’t exactly a close friend and we have little in common to begin with. But hey, to my surprise, the dinner went on for hours longer than I thought, and there was plenty to talk about! 😀

The Forex Seminar

Forex Seminar

Had to sub-mentor some friends when they attended the Forex seminar by Orange Roshan International. I was introduced to the possibilities of Foreign Exchange last December and I traded well on a demo account. 20 consecutive wins in a row to date. 🙂

While I’m going on a live account soon, I introduced some of my close business associates and my sister to the same Forex seminar I attended back not too long ago.

Seminar ended with a buffet dinner at the Grand Millennium Hotel.

Tian Yian and Khai Ng

Melvin broke the ice… pfft

Vince on spasm

(sorry not many photos taken at the buffet plus due to poor lighting many other photos were too poor in quality to be posted here…!)

Shopping at Sunway Pyramid (The ‘Makeover’ Program)

Was supposed to head back to JB by Sunday but extended my stay at the Shah Village Inn Hotel for another night. Glad I did. Went for an impromptu meeting with Khai Lee at Sunway Pyramid. Don’t think I’ve seen him for about a year too.

I needed advice on how I can start anew and expand my social circle, and there’s no better person to ask for advice than “The Animal” himself. Xinch happened to tag along and unexpectedly, they took me on a shopping spree.

Khai Lee and Xinch

Now shopping isn’t exactly my favorite past time but I was more enthusiastic about this one. First stop was the book store. Got myself a copy of “The Game” on Khai Lee’s recommendation. Then Khai Lee and Xinch helped gave me the “extreme makeover” on my choice of clothes.

“You gotta wear clothes that channel your inner self, your personality!”

“What accessories should he wear that shows it’s uniquely HIM?”

“Ditch that shirt, makes you look more serious than you already are.”

“Pants too baggy for you…”

“Nope, won’t do. Not suitable for a small built person.”

Yada… yada…

Man, I had little idea clothes really make a difference. I mean, I knew it theoretically (so do most guys anyway) and I hardly paid attention to the details. I usually wear for comfort (but at the expense of style, bleargh).

The shopping spree took hours and I don’t remember carrying so many bags of my own stuff from a shopping mall in my life. 🙂

I have to admit, I was gung ho about changing myself and my current situation. Yet I had no idea that changing my taste in clothes proved to already be so difficult. One step at a time, I told myself.

So okay, here’s BEFORE…

BEFORE…

… And AFTER!

… AFTER!

What do you think? 🙂

Gotta thank K.Lee and Xinch. I’m glad they had time for me and patiently took me through stores and helped me pick new clothes, and discussed with me how to improve my outward appearance in general.

Next Steps…

My next steps are to move to Kuala Lumpur on my own starting middle to end of April, get another car, and start anew. As I am writing this, I am considering to re-enroll into college. Unfinished business.

I feel like I’m running through a house of burning cards now and I think life for me will change drastically in another month or two. This may mean changing my initial plan for this year to migrate to another country after all… and significantly at that.

Time To Move On…

Posted on by Edmund

(Edmund: This is the first time I’m talking about my relationship/personal matters… so read only if you want to… however I’m keeping a lot of other details out so please don’t post comments digging for more info – like who the girl is, what exactly happened, etc. I hope you respect my privacy. Thanks!)

Sorry for the long hiatus. And that happened for a reason.

It’s been a month since I last updated something substantial to my Personal Blog. (the YouTube video in the previous post doesn’t count, of course)

I was having second thoughts about writing this post. But then, I feel much better penning it out here knowing that mostly friends and people I know come to visit my Personal Homepage.

As I am writing this, this is probably the most trying time I am going through in a long time. After getting off the phone call just now, it’s going to be one scary, roller coaster ride of a life from here on.

Normally, I keep my relationship and personal matters a low profile even from this blog. Yet, I’m not comfortable posting anything else here if this goes unmentioned…

To put things into perspective – and long story short – I had been in a relationship with the first love of my life. That went on for more than half a year. Later we “broke up” but not under bad circumstances though; we accepted that we were both different but we mutually agreed to still be best friends.

So for many months, we enjoyed being together as best friends instead of being in a committed relationship. It was ideal. It was perfect!

All that changed gradually.

I have to confess that in spite of the “best friend” title, I still treated her more than a friend. I really did. Unfortunately – again the long story short – she cannot return reciprocal love – at least, not the one I expected. Naturally over time, I grew jealous and possessive. Yet it would be too selfish of me to ask her to comply.

It’s what you’d probably read about in books on romance or stories you hear from your heartbroken guy friends. “She wants me to be her good friend… but she keeps a one foot pole distance.” I didn’t want to listen though.

So this hurt me for days. Then it turned into weeks. And then months. It was eating me alive. It came to a point where I grew hardly productive at my business, slept longer hours and for some odd reason I’m becoming ill easily these days.

Finally it arrived to a point where being just friends is no longer possible between us.

Tonight, I did the hardest thing that I dreaded most. I know I cannot move on if I still hold onto the past, and the ‘illusion of hope’ that we can still be together on a mutually intimate level.

So I did what needed to be done right from the start: I ended all ties and connections with her.

Don’t get me wrong: I still love her a lot. We have had been on many adventures together, been to places together, did things together, shared our feelings we wouldn’t have told anyone else…

She is still the best girl I have ever met in my life.

The only regret is that I am not the right guy for her. And before anyone get any bad ideas about my first love (she’s too sweet for that)… actually, I was responsible for hurting her and making her upset in the first place (though unintentional) that the relationship didn’t work out as we both planned.

I have only myself to blame in the end, and the mess is mine to clean up. I was given the chance to be her boyfriend – when so many other guys are dying to just get to know this attractive girl – and I blew it away.

Anyways…

If I stay in this current position for too long or even forever, I will never grow. I will never move on. And she’s meant for bigger things in life to be burdened by my… well, childish demands. I’m embarrassed to say this but I can’t think of any better words to describe how I feel about myself now.

I don’t blame her one bit even after all that has happened.

It wasn’t easy even though I promised myself not to cry (which I did anyway, like 10 seconds into the conversation over the phone). Still, I needed to stick to my guns.

For my good and for hers.

I was VERY, VERY scared about putting the phone down because when I finally do, I know I won’t call her again.

I needed to flush my past momento’s, memories… anything that reminds me of her… out of my system. This also means I have to stop my addictive compulsion of visiting her web pages and FaceBook, or even trying to call or SMS her when she’s on the other side of the world.

Not easy but I need to let go of my past if I am to embrace the possibilities of the future. Otherwise I will be back to where I had started. Nothing would have changed. And I would continue getting hurt myself. And so will she in the process.

For the first time in my life – and really – I found out how useless money can get. No wonder people say “money is most useful where it’s needed, and most useless where it’s not.” I was ready to give up my financial goals and my wealth to get back to her.

But logically, that won’t happen. And I don’t think there’s anything else I can do to change her mind. At the same time, I cannot be content with being just “friends”. Not after everything we have had been through together.

I still wish her the best and that although she’s not looking for a boyfriend right now, I hope she finds a man much better myself eventually. It was great knowing her and now I know what it’s like to finally really LOVE someone and then LOSE it… then never love at all. Thank you for playing a big part of my life.

I have to pick up my pieces and move on. I’m sure I will meet the right girl for me one day but I need to sort my own mess out before that can happen.