(Edmund: This is the first time I’m talking about my relationship/personal matters… so read only if you want to… however I’m keeping a lot of other details out so please don’t post comments digging for more info – like who the girl is, what exactly happened, etc. I hope you respect my privacy. Thanks!)
Sorry for the long hiatus. And that happened for a reason.
It’s been a month since I last updated something substantial to my Personal Blog. (the YouTube video in the previous post doesn’t count, of course)
I was having second thoughts about writing this post. But then, I feel much better penning it out here knowing that mostly friends and people I know come to visit my Personal Homepage.
As I am writing this, this is probably the most trying time I am going through in a long time. After getting off the phone call just now, it’s going to be one scary, roller coaster ride of a life from here on.
Normally, I keep my relationship and personal matters a low profile even from this blog. Yet, I’m not comfortable posting anything else here if this goes unmentioned…
To put things into perspective – and long story short – I had been in a relationship with the first love of my life. That went on for more than half a year. Later we “broke up” but not under bad circumstances though; we accepted that we were both different but we mutually agreed to still be best friends.
So for many months, we enjoyed being together as best friends instead of being in a committed relationship. It was ideal. It was perfect!
All that changed gradually.
I have to confess that in spite of the “best friend” title, I still treated her more than a friend. I really did. Unfortunately – again the long story short – she cannot return reciprocal love – at least, not the one I expected. Naturally over time, I grew jealous and possessive. Yet it would be too selfish of me to ask her to comply.
It’s what you’d probably read about in books on romance or stories you hear from your heartbroken guy friends. “She wants me to be her good friend… but she keeps a one foot pole distance.” I didn’t want to listen though.
So this hurt me for days. Then it turned into weeks. And then months. It was eating me alive. It came to a point where I grew hardly productive at my business, slept longer hours and for some odd reason I’m becoming ill easily these days.
Finally it arrived to a point where being just friends is no longer possible between us.
Tonight, I did the hardest thing that I dreaded most. I know I cannot move on if I still hold onto the past, and the ‘illusion of hope’ that we can still be together on a mutually intimate level.
So I did what needed to be done right from the start: I ended all ties and connections with her.
Don’t get me wrong: I still love her a lot. We have had been on many adventures together, been to places together, did things together, shared our feelings we wouldn’t have told anyone else…
She is still the best girl I have ever met in my life.
The only regret is that I am not the right guy for her. And before anyone get any bad ideas about my first love (she’s too sweet for that)… actually, I was responsible for hurting her and making her upset in the first place (though unintentional) that the relationship didn’t work out as we both planned.
I have only myself to blame in the end, and the mess is mine to clean up. I was given the chance to be her boyfriend – when so many other guys are dying to just get to know this attractive girl – and I blew it away.
Anyways…
If I stay in this current position for too long or even forever, I will never grow. I will never move on. And she’s meant for bigger things in life to be burdened by my… well, childish demands. I’m embarrassed to say this but I can’t think of any better words to describe how I feel about myself now.
I don’t blame her one bit even after all that has happened.
It wasn’t easy even though I promised myself not to cry (which I did anyway, like 10 seconds into the conversation over the phone). Still, I needed to stick to my guns.
For my good and for hers.
I was VERY, VERY scared about putting the phone down because when I finally do, I know I won’t call her again.
I needed to flush my past momento’s, memories… anything that reminds me of her… out of my system. This also means I have to stop my addictive compulsion of visiting her web pages and FaceBook, or even trying to call or SMS her when she’s on the other side of the world.
Not easy but I need to let go of my past if I am to embrace the possibilities of the future. Otherwise I will be back to where I had started. Nothing would have changed. And I would continue getting hurt myself. And so will she in the process.
For the first time in my life – and really – I found out how useless money can get. No wonder people say “money is most useful where it’s needed, and most useless where it’s not.” I was ready to give up my financial goals and my wealth to get back to her.
But logically, that won’t happen. And I don’t think there’s anything else I can do to change her mind. At the same time, I cannot be content with being just “friends”. Not after everything we have had been through together.
I still wish her the best and that although she’s not looking for a boyfriend right now, I hope she finds a man much better myself eventually. It was great knowing her and now I know what it’s like to finally really LOVE someone and then LOSE it… then never love at all. Thank you for playing a big part of my life.
I have to pick up my pieces and move on. I’m sure I will meet the right girl for me one day but I need to sort my own mess out before that can happen.
Edmund, I applaude you for beeing so honest in public – this is the major step in healing. I have very similar story and had to took several progressive emotional intelligence classes, read tons of books on the subject etc. But EFT (emotional freedom tehniques) just blew me away. I feel like a rocket launcher every day….once again ?
Anyways, here’s the DVD you should watch A.S.A.P:
Try It On Everything
http://www.tryitoneverything.com/
Of course The Opus Movie will remind you also of what is your life’s purpose. I also recommend it to everyone: http://www.theopusmovie.com/
We’re also Facebook pals, so here’s my story in the notes inside. Very welcome to read it, especially about Mark Joyner’s Neurogizers:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551510431#/profile.php?id=1284313165&v=app_2347471856&viewas=1284313165
Make it a great day ?
Igor Mujdrica
http://twitter.com/igor_mujdrica
Hi Edmund,
I know exactly how u feel. The time for me and my ex being in a relationship was close to 10 years. I’ve been through the same experience and it took some time for me to pick things up, get back on track and move on. honestly and seriously it wasn’t easy. however, slowly but surely things would work out in its own way..
Just so u know u have a lot of friends all over the world supporting u always 😉 with this, u definitely have my support! I wish u all the best bro!
Hang in there bro, things will only get easier now as each day passes.. I’ve been in the same spot before too.. And we never know what the future has in store for us.. 🙂
One thing I can tell you is… “Time to move on”.
There is plenty of fishes out there. I was in the same situation like you do. It will take you about 14 days to get rid of your pain. However, it will take you up to 30 days to fully recover.
The best advice (Based on the person who has more expreinced about relationship) I can give it to you would be… Life your live based on your own standard. Be totally successful. The RIGHT person will show up on its own.
This is how you will be able to get the girl that you “want”, not what you “need”. Once you realize this truth, you know that you don’t need anyone in yourself, but you.
Give up about your business? NEVER! I once wanted to give up on my dream for a girl, but it is not worth it at all. Without your business, you have no power. You kill your confidence even further. Keep it up. Achieve a bigger success in your life.
You don’t need anyone, but YOU!
Good Luck,
Henry Gold
It really feels like the pits now, considering this was my first relationship. Thanks everyone for your kind support and help when I needed them most. 🙂
Hey Edmund,
I respect you for what you’ve achieved in your life so far and I respect you even more now for the courage you have to air out these personal thoughts of yours. I’m going through the same thing now, sort of, but that’s all I’ll say… I’m not going to steal your limelight 😉
I’m only a few years younger than you and want to have your level of maturity when I’m at your age (sorry for making you feel old =P)
Chin up brother,
Johnson.
Take it easy. I know it’s hard. I’ve been through it all and fell flat like crazy a good many times. Be strong mate!
If you still have an ounce of yourself that want her back, maybe you can get Shree’s help. I’m sure he’ll help you out.
Take it easy mate.
Alex
@Johnson thanks for writing in. Hope you’re handling the situation better than I do. 🙂 And since you’re a few years younger, you’ve got slightly more time than I do. LOL!
@Alex somehow I’d knew you would drop by. 🙂 Thanks! I’d like to have her back but I know it won’t be better for both of us had we stayed on and continued this way. Really, I think I’ll hurt myself more – and she will too in the process. I know I can score another girl again in the near future. Truth is if I don’t change myself then no matter how many girlfriends I may meet later the problems will just repeat over and over again. Thanks for your concern Alex.
Edmund, after you wrote this blog post, my respect for you as a person has grown tremendously.
Most guys would walk away from a ‘failed’ relationship in bitterness and resentment… often descending into anger and blaming the other party, but judging from YOUR character traits and your temptations, I believed that against all odds, you emerged VICTORIOUS because you chose to do the right thing.
You didn’t lose, you won in all aspects and though many would offer their condolences or even pity, I would offer you the exact opposite since I KNOW you have come a looooong way to this victory.
Smile and be proud of yourself 🙂
I am glad you can see things in a positive way. Focus in whatever you can do and move on. I believe good things will come when you are positive about yourself and the people around you.
*hugs*
Be strong.. 🙂
it take courage, to be human enough to be self honest , what is possible what is not possible…..all these will come to pass.
we cant be friends, but we can be friendly..once a yr, a happy birthday note is good.
Hi Edmund,
I’ve been following your website and blog only around december 2008. i’ve read your past experience and how you’ve grown. everytime you never fail to amaze me. what you’ve wrote on the above matter stroke me and i agree to @Henry Gold’s comment and @Khai’s comment, you’ve made a gentleman with victories to be proud and confident to share in future times. what you did was mature and u choose to learn from it and move on, Cheers!
Life’s an experience,
Alvin Ooi
@Khai thanks for the words of encouragement and helping me when I needed it most. Looks like I can “cash in” now, huh? 😉
@Curryegg Thanks! Would really like to meet you in person one day. 🙂
@Clarewee @AlvinOoi thank you too, really. 🙂 Means a lot to me.